I wonder how many times you’ve worried about something and in the end, it doesn’t actually happen?
I’m going to be honest with you, if I reflect back over my lifetime I can think of many times where I’ve done exactly that. I’ve no doubt that pretty much anyone who reads this blog can relate too… you’ve been worrying about something coming up and then either the situation doesn’t occur at all, or if it does happen, it’s not nearly as bad as you thought it was going to be.
Here’s an interesting statistic for you: in some research(i), they found that on average 91.4% of worries did not come true for those with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (‘GAD is a mental health condition that causes excessive, frequent and unrealistic worry about everyday things). Whilst you may not think you have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, you may still be aware of stressful times in your life where you were more anxious and worried about a number of aspects of your life. In a fast-paced busy world, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of “what if” scenarios. Our minds can race from one potential situation to another, often leaving us anxious, stressed, and distanced from the present moment.
You may have heard the saying: “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” (Leo Buscaglia).
I think this quote succinctly sums up overthinking, which is a mental habit that many of us fall into without even realizing it. It starts with a simple thought, but before we know it, our minds spiral, thinking about worst-case scenarios. We replay conversations, imagine future outcomes, and worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. This can be exhausting and often leads to feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression. We’re trying to predict and control the future rather than accepting the present for what it is.
Mindfulness is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment without judgment. By focusing on “what is,” rather than ‘what if’ we can break free from the cycle of overthinking and find peace in the here and now.
A practical example of this is taking a thought, for example ‘what if I contract a serious health condition and I can’t provide for my family’ and reframing it to what is: ‘right now I don’t have a serious health condition, I’m healthy and am bringing in sufficient income to cover our needs’. Doing this without judgment means not being harsh on yourself for having the ‘what if’ worried thought, but simply noticing it and gently reframing it.
I often liken ‘what if?’ thinking to a big pile of sticks: imagine that in front of you is a huge pile of hundreds, or even thousands, of large sticks found in a forest. The sticks are all sorts of shapes, sizes, and weights. Imagine trying to pick up all the sticks at once, what would that be like? As for me, I know I’d struggle, collapse under the weight and end up with bruises and scratches. In the same way, if we try to carry all our days and the endless possibilities of what you might face within those days in your mind, then you’re likely to mentally collapse under the weight of all that worry. Then imagine putting all the sticks down and then just picking up one stick (representing one day i.e. today), how does that feel?… ‘easy’ I hear you reply, and that’s mindfulness in a nutshell…resisting trying to carry weeks, months and years of worry, and just focusing on what you’re dealing with today.
Also remembering that a lot of ‘what-if’ worries are just thoughts, based on speculation and fear, rather than facts. If you can separate what you know for a fact, and what is just a speculative idea or opinion, you have a much better chance of reducing the mountain back down to the molehill quite quickly. Why not take a look at another blog of mine ‘Tips on Coping with Uncertainty: www.bethanythorntoncounselling.co.uk/tips-on-coping-with-uncertainty for more information.
By focusing on “what is” rather than “what if,” you can reduce your stress and anxiety, improve your focus and concentration, and be kinder to yourself.
Of course, if you’re worried about something that you have the ability to sort out (i.e. fix the leaky roof, take the car into the garage for repair, seek legal advice etc.) then carry that out, so that you can put the worry behind you.
(i) Exposing Worry’s Deceit: Percentage of Untrue Worries in Generalized Anxiety Disorder Treatment - ScienceDirect
If the information in this blog is resonating with you, please have a go at these suggestions to see if it helps, however if you’re finding that it’s not helping enough, or there are issues behind the worries that you need some help to explore and resolve, then please feel free to get in touch.